George Carlin Quotes

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on befo... -George Carlin

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

Discovering the context

The quote humorously questions the term "pre-board" used in air travel, playfully pointing out the irony that it suggests getting on the plane before actually getting on the plane. It highlights the sometimes illogical or confusing aspects of travel processes.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of sal... -George Carlin

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the swe... -George Carlin

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Discovering the context

It provides a playful play on words, advising not to worry or give attention to trivial matters (petty things) and not to touch or interact with sweaty objects, implying a lighthearted approach to life's challenges and discomforts.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, ... -George Carlin

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.... -George Carlin

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way ... -George Carlin

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

In comic strips, the person on the left always spe... -George Carlin

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

There's no present. There's only the immediate fut... -George Carlin

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired... -George Carlin

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

The other night I ate at a real nice family restau... -George Carlin

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.... -George Carlin

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

Religion is just mind control.... -George Carlin

Religion is just mind control.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he kn... -George Carlin

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing th... -George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death... -George Carlin

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

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