Erma Bombeck Quotes

Erma Bombeck was a beloved humorist and columnist, known for her witty and humorous observations on everyday life. Her writings resonated with readers and made her a cherished figure in American literature.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Discovering the context

This quote humorously suggests that the vitality or health of a doctor's office plants can serve as an indicator of the doctor's competence or effectiveness. It playfully implies that healthy office plants may reflect a positive and well-functioning practice, creating a lighthearted criterion for choosing a doctor.

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Discovering the context

This quote implies that humor plays a crucial role in the functioning and vitality of civilization. It suggests that the absence or loss of humor could be detrimental to society and its progress.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; H... -Erma Bombeck

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if... -Erma Bombeck

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

Discovering the context

The quote expresses a sense of confusion or perplexity towards designers, suggesting that their designs may overlook or neglect the understanding of human anatomy and form. It implies a belief that a deeper understanding of the human body is essential for creating successful designs.

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards fo... -Erma Bombeck

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

Discovering the context

This quote uses humor to describe extremely thin women and the attention they attract. It humorously suggests that even buzzards, known for their association with carrion, are drawn to follow these women due to their exceptionally slender figures. The quote employs exaggeration to comment on societal ideals of thinness and the scrutiny faced by individuals who conform to those standards.

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

Car designers are just going to have to come up wi... -Erma Bombeck

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and p... -Erma Bombeck

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

It goes without saying that you should never have ... -Erma Bombeck

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a b... -Erma Bombeck

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Discovering the context

This quote humorously advises against having more children than the number of car windows. It uses a lighthearted analogy to suggest that it is impractical or burdensome to have more children than one can adequately accommodate or manage. The quote underscores the importance of family planning and responsible decision-making in terms of family size and resources.

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Discovering the context

This quote emphasizes the importance of supporting friends without resorting to judgment or encouraging them to go on a diet solely based on their weight. It promotes acceptance and friendship beyond physical appearance or body size.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have giv... -Erma Bombeck

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Discovering the context

The statement humorously advises against lending one's car to their own child, implying that children may be less cautious or responsible with borrowed items from their parents. It plays on the idea that trust and caution should be exercised even within familial relationships.

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife... -Erma Bombeck

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

It is not until you become a mother that your judg... -Erma Bombeck

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Erma Bombeck Quotes

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